A monster comes to see me. He says that he is called duel
How comforting it would be after the emotional turbulence following a traumatic loss, There is a magic formula that returned us peace. However, Instead, we received the visit of a monster with a very strong hand, you start you heart, squeeze it you and disappears, taking a part of you that you don't know when you going to be able to recover.
Marian Vidal describes the loss of her brother, his friend and his confidant. She had just 17 years and it 27 When one day shortly after Christmas disappeared forever, victim of your drug addiction.
Still having trouble pronouncing its name: Angel. Marian are excited while he explains that his name has many connotations, Since she is convinced that he is the Angel who accompanies you every day. Becomes as unfair the fact that someone you love disappear without further, that consoled you think that there is something beyond that gives sense to this senseless.
Marian us thus describes how lived that moment:
“I lived my brother's death alone, fatal. The day of the funeral suffered a severe anxiety attack because he had not processed what happened, When I saw the coffin that entered the niche, I was aware of what had happened, and there began the anger with the world, with me, with the family.
First he denied it, you don't believe it and said to myself; No way. After the denial phase, you begin to ask yourself questions; Why me? And why him and not a friend??, and the answer is because Yes, because you happened to you, these things happen and point.
Then you already lose power and go into a pure depression. You realize is that nothing to do there is. You drop the world over.. I remember that you did not want me up in the morning, life didn't make sense, for you life has stopped at that time and that of others to followed.
This stage lasted two years approximately, and although the wound never closes is becoming smaller. It was as if I carried a puppet, telling me what I had to do in every moment. There has not been a more horrible thing in my life.
I relied on my friends but I had them to explain how I could help. It was a very good professional psychologist, who made me understand why people did not understand me. It gave me a different perspective. He told me that the thing would not improve in the short term, even if I distrajese it would not change. It was very realistic at this moment".
Added to this is the ignorance of those who we are trying to join in the grief process, without having received a specific course on how to treat those who have just lost a loved one. What say? What do? We want to help but sometimes are not too useful.
Marian shares his experience in which talks about the typical topics that we usually say to try to comfort those who live this hard time; you have to be strong, help your mother, I am sorry... However, She says that when it comes to giving support, what it does is:
"If I can I give a hug and say I don't know what to say", because there is nothing that says that you can comfort you, "only that the wound will be more little and that should one day will be worth getting up in the morning"
How it impacts an experience as well in our personal development?
Marian is today a successful woman in her work which has formed his own family, He acknowledges that the experience of a duel force you to develop tools that can help you in the future. You have two options: Self-compassion or think, understanding and creating strategies that then're to use at other times of your life.
She is then focused on his career and that earned him a scholarship to do his PhD in United States, Thanks to which today works at the University of Sydney. "I transform my pain in a way in which always keeping that person in mind, has made me a very strong person and I've invested that experience into something very productive. Each obstacle we live we learn. Always think that I have to live by two. I appreciate life more and not worry about things that are trivialities."
The artist Kenneth Chu It was inspired by the story of Marian and he has given us his art with a portrait that has titled "Sutil". Marian He is an economist who studies how political issues at work, education and health affect the human being. In the work, the artist wanted to express a life full of experiences that combine the color of the life of their current work with the more romantic side of its past.
A subtle but detectable trip.
Marian, you inspire me!