THE STORY WHAT YOU ACCOUNTS
(Excerpt from the book ” How to create a wonderful life”)
«The story that you have is song whose rhythm moves your life».
(Pilar L. Cárdenas)
The meaning we give to our lives is influenced by the stories we tell about ourselves. What include in those stories can be useful and help us or be very detrimental and autolimitarnos. We may often feel trapped by the character that we have created and a problem-saturated story, problem about which we have little or no influence.
Not only people give meaning to our experiences to narrate them, We also act and we are in the world through the stories we tell. Some of these stories promote competition and welfare; others serve to constrain, trivialize, disqualify or discourage us ourselves, to others and our relationships. The particular history which prevail or dominate, giving meaning to the events of our lives, determine the nature of our life experience and our patterns of action. Prevails when a story saturated by the problem repeatedly, We will fall into poverty and disappointments.
Make us able to tell other stories can elevate us, strengthen us, free us, revitalize us about ourselves and, sometimes, Let go of the heavy character that we press. There is a need of our subconscious, mental and emotional, having to tell us what is happening to our around constantly. But it should not be forgotten that these stories may be fragmented, without examining, only partially reflecting the events.
"People give meaning to their lives and their relationships relating your experience. To interact with others and represent these stories, their lives are shaping».
(Michael White and David Epston, creators of narrative therapy)
People are our identity from the stories we tell about ourselves. These are not only stories and shape our actions, transforming the sense of who we are. They are not constructed individually, but they are socially and culturally, for the environment, the context and the power relations existing in the culture. Those would be the big stories. It is possible to change it, If recontamos it as one of new life, being able to rescue or making visible to others who have been subjugated or invisible person experience. When we told our story we choose certain events and join them in a sequence over time on a particular topic. When we select those events, There are many others who remain outside, other possible stories being disabled, belonging to the same experience. Those invisible spaces, that we do not have, We're not playing them in our lives.
We assume that all people have the ability to build a meaning around our experiences. Therefore, There is no person who does not have the possibility of enriching their life stories to favorite places or others that broaden and enrich their identity and that they encourage their feeling of being able to move your life in the manner and direction you want.
Separate the person from the problem through outsourcing is one of the techniques proposed by White and Epston through narrative therapy. The problem is also part of a dominant discourse. When someone lives in the problematic story of his life, their identity may become saturated by his fault. The key is to be clear that the person is never the problem, the problem is the problem. We must separate this time of the identity of the person, giving rise to emerge the true person and other more preferential possible description. This moves the protagonist to cope more effectively.
"The person is never the problem. The problem is the problem".
(White and Epston)
We keep in mind that human beings are not passive recipients of experiences, but that we always respond in some way and everything we do (keep quiet, cry, sit back, etc.) they are also answers, they have a sense and are connected with what is important in our lives. The stories directly affect our thoughts and, Therefore, in our actions. According to the stories that we relatemos, altogether and in relationship or negotiating with our environment and the local culture, We will have an idea of who we are, shaping what we believe and we make of our lives.
Let us take an example: If I tell me a story that I am a loser I'm believing in a concept that at some point in the history of our culture was generated. However, to speak of failure before has because there is a personal success. That success may be associated with other stories related to the belief that there are certain cars have, speak and live in a certain way... Then, If I I begin to tell the story of the personal failure, According to this key history, my actions may be due to the point of generating a suicide, in the worst case. So dramatic so you can finish the story that we tell us themselves.
This autobiography written only with our words is where each of us is the subject of our study, the 'I' on the 'I', that it ends up becoming theme object. The author, the narrator and the character become one, under the slogan "speak of me, therefore I am».
There is no possibility of knowing a subject by its past without taking into account the way in which relates it. They are not the facts of the past, but the words and their representations, those who discover his narrative truth, that it does not have to coincide with its historical truth. I tell and tell myself, remembering each vivid episodes, Although doing so, I am another, a character created and powered by me, to make sense of what I am and what I do, forgetting that I recall when I do it from memory and not from the experience. That history that gives me life contains the stigma of the past, and coexist with the present as if they were the same thing. But history can be reconstructed, reinvented. Who am I in reality? Perhaps I am what I was? My work is based on the facts and excerpts of my existence to make a plot that I push or me free? Can I replace me with another? How much of what they evoke in the story we tell is real? And how much of what you have is pure invention? Oblivion is the rubber that clears many of the pieces of the story that you say and proclaim to the world. And what about fiction? Would it be your imaginative mind and creator able to distinguish accurately the dye that is she in your story? We have heard hundreds of times that of: «Look at it... If you believe their own lies». How can we claim that this is not a lie, but the history that tells, built on a skewed reality? The doubt, deformation and the invention of the memory also unconsciously shape our narrative. Our history is nothing more than an interpretation of ourselves, a changing and infinite interpretation, you are trying to reveal our true 'I' under a built personality.
«The man who has his life seeks to itself in its history».
Our character has faith in facts, supports the authenticity of what is said and agree the plot of the story created as some. It reaffirms that what happened is true, It really happened as she tells and happened to that which tells his story, He explains.
The authenticity of what we reveal, putting the 'I' in front, It is linked to the same authenticity what we missed.
The phenomenology of memory involves a story often blurred. Why we remember and forget? What fragments of the story we want to remember and why?? What is the purpose of the void? Do we use some ornaments as a symbol to fill those gaps?
The memories are not replica or exact copies of events, they are mere records of how we emotionally experienced those events, fragments that are subject to repression, distortion, own or transferred by the company beliefs, the context in which we cover, the people that surround us, the values underpinning us...
«Remember is not to live, remember is to lie».
As I see it, the history that we have and in whose foundations we build our destiny is as illusory as a virtual. Without full awareness of all the chapters that comprise it and the intention of its approach, We will continue to be slaves of the own jail we have built. Is the subconscious oppressor who Orchestra Symphony of the story of our life, controlling which, how and how much we will remember these experiences. It is a great expert in distorting past events and mix with fantasies, family novels and own myths, turning it into a salable story, Sometimes it becomes a real bestseller.
We are all consumers of unrelated stories and our own, I bought with an act of infinite faith, evaluating how reliable source, passing unnoticed fanciful prosthesis to the own protagonist and character it ignores many times. Here is what I did, what I thought and what I was. This is the structure of our narrative that, as all history, It is connected by sequences in time, with a beginning, a plot and an ending, result of what today we are supposedly. We are so involved with our interpreter as an actor with his character, you've done your paper your destination.
«The story would be a wonderful thing if it were true».
For what make our story? To persuade ourselves or show us visible to others? When are we historians of our life, We fail to be objective. Under the umbrella of our moral value, We write our autobiography not as we are, but as we believe that we are and want to be, or thought to have been. We need to give meaning to our legend and, at the same time, be recognized by those who listen to her.
The self-consciousness of being, distinguishing the past, the present and the future, as well as the dissociation of the problem about the person, It opens the door to the creation of new stories that encourage us to the fullness of our lives, recycling the dark parts of our experiences from positive experiences that reflect our strengths, skills and victories that were misplaced, forgotten or repressed, in previous chapters. Recap from the 'I' present allows us to return to our true identity.
"Any life, for very insignificant to be, If it is well told, it is worthy of interest».
Write your life is to change your life. Why narrative therapy discovered by White determines changes in the future, based on the narrative as one of the main techniques.
«Stories and narratives which people live affect their interaction, your organization, the evolution of their lives and relationships that are conditioned by the representations of such tales and stories».
White describes how dominant accounts of those who hinder the representation of alternative accounts open to new meanings. All key account load in her womb what White calls 'a description of the problem-saturated'.
The victimization, the desire of my mother who was a lawyer, the history of my partner can... be dominant stories in history that I am. Rewrite our history is to tell a new story, so the dominant story becomes obsolete. The account determines the meaning of the experience. Every time you write it connecting with repressed events to make them aware, nos focalizamos en las vivencias y los recuerdos.
¿Qué historia te estás contando? ¿Cuál sería el título? ¿Cómo te está afectando ese personaje con el que convives a diario? ¿Cuál es la moraleja?
THE STORY YOU TELL YOURSELF
( From the book “How to Create an Amazing Life”)
“The story you tell yourself is the song whose rhythm moves your entire life.”
Pilar L. Cárdenas
The sense we make of our lives is influenced by the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. What we include in those stories can be both useful and helpful to us, or very harmful and self-limiting. We often feel trapped by a character we have created and by a story saturated with a problem, a problem over which we believe we have little or no influence.
Not only do we make sense of our experiences when we narrate them, we also act and exist in the world through the stories we tell ourselves. Some of these stories promote competition and well-being; others serve to restrict, trivialize, disqualify, and demotivate us to ourselves, to others, and to the people with whom we form relationships. The particular story that prevails or dominates, giving meaning to the events in our lives, will determine the nature of our life experience and our patterns of action. When a prevailing story is continuously saturated with a problem, we become prey to disappointment and misery.
By being able to tell ourselves other stories, we can become elevated, strengthened, released, revitalized about ourselves, and we can, on occasion, throw off the burdensome character that is weighing us down. Our subconscious has a mental and emotional need to have to tell us what is constantly happening around us. But we shouldn’t overlook the fact that these stories can be fragmented; if unexamined, they only partially reflect events.
“Persons give meaning to their lives and relationships by storying their experience. In interacting with others in performance of these stories, they are active in the shaping of their lives and relationships.”
Michael White and David Epston,
founders of narrative therapy
People form their identity through the stories they tell themselves about themselves. These stop being mere stories and come to mold our actions, transforming the sense we have of who we are. These stories are not constructed on an individual basis; instead, they are constructed socially and culturally by the environment, the context, and the relationships of power that exist in a culture. Those would be epic tales. Changing the story is possible if it is retold as one of new life, in which others that have remained subjugated or invisible from that person’s experience are rescued or made visible. When we tell our story, we choose certain events and join them up into a sequence over time, grouped around a certain topic. When we choose those events, we omit many others, and other possible stories belonging to the same experience become deactivated. Those invisible spaces, which we don’t tell ourselves about, aren’t being played out in our lives.
Let’s assume that every one of us has the ability to construct a meaning around our experiences. Consequently, everybody has the possibility of enhancing their life stories by taking them to preferred places or other places that broaden and enrich their identity and encourage their feelings of being able to move their life in the way or direction they want.
Separating the person from the problem through externalization is one of the techniques White and Epston propose through narrative therapy. The problem also forms part of the dominant discourse. When somebody lives inside this problematic life story, their identity can become problem-saturated as a result. The key lies in having a clear idea that the person is never the problem; the problem is the problem. It must therefore be separated from that person’s identity, allowing the true person and another, more preferential description to emerge. This prompts the protagonist to face up to the problem in a more effective manner.
“The person is never the problem; the problem is the problem.”
White and Epston
We should keep in mind that human beings aren’t passive receptors of experiences. We always respond in a certain way, and everything we do (remain silent, cry, stay still, etc.) is also a response that has a meaning and a connection to what is important in our lives. Stories directly affect our thoughts, and therefore our actions. Depending on the stories we tell ourselves, in combination, relation, or negotiating with our environment and the culture that is closest to us, we have an idea of who we are, which is what shapes what we believe and what we do with our lives.
Take this example: If I tell myself a story about my being a failure, I show my belief in a concept that came about at a certain point in the history of our culture. However, in order to be able to speak of failure, personal success must have existed prior to this. This success is possibly associated with other stories related to the belief that one must have certain cars, and speak and live in a certain way… So, if I start to tell the story of personal failure, my actions—in relation to this dominant story—might become so negated, to the point where it leads to suicide, in the worst possible scenario. The story we tell ourselves can end in such a dramatic way as this.
The autobiography that we write using only our own words is where each one of us becomes the subject of our own study, the “self” studying the subject of the “self”. Author, narrator, and protagonist become one, under the heading “I speak of myself, therefore I exist.”
It isn’t possible to know a subject by their past without taking into account the way they narrate it. It is the words and representations rather than the events of that past that reveal narrative truth, which need not coincide with historical truth. I tell myself about myself, recalling each of the episodes I’ve lived through. But when I do this, I’m someone else, a character created and nourished by me, to give meaning to what I am and what I do. I forget that when I recall myself, I do so from memory and not from experience. The story that gives me life contains the stigma of the past, and it coexists with the present as if it were the same thing. But every story can be reconstructed, reinvented. Who am I really? Is what I became really who I am? Do I base myself on the events and fragments of my existence to create a narrative that oppresses me or liberates me? Can I replace myself with somebody else? How much of what we evoke in the story do we tell ourselves is real? And how much of what we tell is pure invention? Forgetfulness is the eraser that deletes many of the pieces of the story you tell yourself and that you proclaim to the world. And what about fiction? Would your imaginative and creative mind be able to distinguish precisely how much of this colors your narrative? Hundreds of times we’ve heard: “Get him… he actually believes his own lies.” How can we be sure it isn’t a lie that is being told, but an actual story based on objective reality? Doubt, distortion, and invention in recollections also unconsciously form part of our narrative. Our story is no more than an interpretation of ourselves, an ever-changing and infinite interpretation that attempts to reveal our true “self” under a constructed personality.
“The man who tells his life story is looking for himself in his story.”
Our character places their faith in the facts, declares what they say to be authentic, and accepts the plot of the created story to be certain. The events are reaffirmed to be the truth; they took place as told, and were experienced by the narrator according to the explanation given.
When we place our “self” before everything, the authenticity of the things we reveal is united with the authenticity of the things we omit.
The phenomenology of memory envelops a story that has been blurred many times. Why do we remember and forget? What fragments of the story do we want to remember and why? What purpose does this void serve? Do we use any adornments as a symbol to fill those gaps?
Memories aren’t replicas or exact copies of the events when they took place; they are merely recordings of our emotional experience of those events, fragments that are subject to repression, distortion, beliefs we hold or that are transferred to us by society, our setting, the people around us, the values we uphold…
“Remembering isn’t living again; remembering is lying again.”
The way I see it, the story we tell ourselves and on whose foundations we construct our destiny is as illusory as it is virtual. Without being fully aware of all the chapters that it comprises and the intent behind our focus on them, we continue to be slaves to the prison we have built ourselves. The oppressive subconscious is what orchestrates the symphony or our life story, controlling what, how, and how much we remember of those experiences. It is a great expert in distorting past events and mixing them with fantasies, familiar novels, and our own myths, turning out a marketable story, which at times can become a real bestseller.
We are all consumers of others’ and our own stories, which we buy in an act of infinite faith, judging the source to be reliable, overlooking the fantasy-filled prostheses of which the actual protagonist and persona is often unaware. Here is what I did, what I thought, and what I became. This is the structure of our narrative which, like all stories, is connected in a sequence over time, with a beginning, a plot, and an ending, the result of which is what we supposedly are today. We are so involved in our performance, like an actor in his character who has turned his role into his destiny.
“History would be a wonderful thing, if only it were true.”
Why do we create our narrative? Is it to convince ourselves, or to become visible to others? When we become historians of our own lives, we are no longer impartial. Shielded by our moral values, we write our autobiography to show us not as we are, but as what we believe we are and want ourselves to be, or as what we think we could have been. We need to give meaning to our legend, and at the same time to be acknowledged by those who listen to us.
By distinguishing between past, present, and future, and dissociating the problem from the person, self-awareness of our being opens the door to the creation of new stories about ourselves. These can lead us to find fulfillment in our lives; they recycle the dark side of our experiences through positive events that reflect our strengths, skills, and triumphs that were mislaid, overlooked, or suppressed in earlier chapters. A review made from the perspective of the present “self” will allow us to regain our true identity.
“Any life, however insignificant, is worthy of interest if it is well narrated.”
By writing your life, you change your life. This is why the narrative therapy developed by White determines future changes, using narrative as one of the main techniques.
“The stories or narratives that persons live through determine their interaction and organization… the evolution of lives and relationships occurs through the performance of such stories or narratives.”
White describes the stories that hinder the performance of alternative stories open to new meanings as “dominant stories.” All dominant stories have what White calls a “problem-saturated description.”
Victimization, my mother’s wish for me to become a lawyer, my partner’s story… can all be dominant stories in the story I tell myself. By rewriting our narrative, we can tell a new story which will make the dominant story obsolete. The story determines the meaning of experience. Each time we write it by connecting with repressed events in order to make them conscious, we focus on the experiences and memories.
What story are you telling yourself? What would its title be? How is the character you live with daily affecting you? What is the moral of the story?